Monday, November 19, 2007

Comedic Adventure: BlogWorld Expo 2007, Part 1

So Lucy, what happened to you last week? Your blog was dead. As in capital, D...E...A...D.

Yeah, yeah, I know. And I only have me to blame.

I'm going to ask you, the reader, if there is any better way to acquire the status of MEGA-hypocrite then in this current post? Is it possible to feel like more of a dissembler for making fun of nerds and geeks than to attend one of those nerdy geeky conferences myself, right after interviewing a fellow geek? No, it's not possible.

Well, FINE THEN! As of right now, I'm redeeming my "Hypocritical Blog Post" pass.

That long week I was gone, I attended the BLOG WORLD & NEW MEDIA EXPO. Yes, I did. (deep sigh) And I loved it!

My descent into madness
My trip started off chaotic, right from the get go. I'm talking the minute I pulled my key out of the slot after locking my apartment door:

- I didn't call for the semi-expensive shuttle service, which I normally do, courtesy of the 'rents. So I opted for the subway, which meant I had to hotfoot it with my 2 backpacks and a semi-heavy suitcase. (Apparently, I don't believe in bringing clothing on trips. Clothing is for wimps. I like office supplies: books, magazines, papers, and pens. You can never have enough of those on trips.)

- It seemed my destiny was to queue up and wait in every line possible. (Man, I could swear Mercury was in retrograde.) Lining up to get in the Air Train, then waiting for it to arrive. Lining up for my e-Ticket, then waiting in line to check my bags, which by the way is the most inefficient and inconvenient way airlines can inflict pain and prompt premature gray hairs upon passengers. They could easily just create a Chinese water torture line. It would be far more effective.)

- I was unshowered (Yeah, that wasn't purposeful and perhaps a little TMI for all of us. But again time wasn't on my side.) Don't worry. I'm considerate of others around me. I make sure that only a dog could pick up my scent, rather than a human. I simply was too layered for anyone to notice. And luckily, I'm not a sweat'er. Luckily, that gene got passed over to my brother. Perhaps, Chinese water torture might've come into some use, afterall. Someone get me some Irish Spring!!!

As much as airlines choose to torture their patrons, via Chinese methods or not, I love airports. I think they're fascinating, even if they are a hotbed for communicable diseases (as I've learned from the French-Canadian steward in And The Band Played On and Outbreak.) People from around the world, gather in this one spot, hang out for a bit, and then leave. I revel in all the faces and places to absorb. For me, it's like sensory overload. I view the airport like a teenager views the Orange Julius at the mall--the place to be!

That's another thing about me that I've learned: I love to people-watch. I'm a natural voyeur. The people-watching trait was in me since before comedy, and has definitely helped me in my quest. I believe this is one trait you must have to be a comedian--being able to observe and listen. Be able to take a backseat and let others reveal themselves to you. At the same time, I've found this to be the most difficult trait to put at bay. Because it's so easy for me to relinquish the limelight, when it comes time to take the stage, I have to really fight myself to want to be in the forefront.

Fast Forward to MSP Airport
However, the madness didn't end here. It continued in Minnesota, which is where my connection from NYC landed. I nearly missed my connecting flight to Vegas because I was engulfed in comedy frivolity and mayhem watching my comedy buddy, Josh Homer's DVD.

Here is where time seems to evade me and I'm still trying to put together the pieces as to why I was late.

I deplaned (<== love that neologism) from my first flight with an hour and a half to spare for my next flight, according to my itinerary. I quickly found one of those "Arrivals/Departures" TV set-up that resembles the A/V wall at Circuit City. I perused the list for my flight to Vegas. "Gate A7--On Time, Departs: 11:30." It's now 9:00am. Solid. No problem. Like Dorothy in the land of OZ, I sauntered throughout my newfound airport. ("You're out of the woods...You're out of the dark...You're out of the night"...)

I took in my surroundings and grabbed an exorbitant bite to eat. (Refer 5:50min into this video of Seinfeld's airport routine).

I got to Gate A7 sat and waited. It was an eerily empty gate, for 10am. No matter. I shrugged my shoulders, took my seat, and popped open my laptop, anticipating comedy goodness. About halfway through the video, a creepy suspicion came over me, which is tough sense to pick up on while laughing my ass off. I began to ask myself, "Why aren't there more people around? Why is no one trickling in for a flight to Vegas? Why hasn't the digital sign above the check-in counter changed to "Las Vegas - 11:30"?

I checked my watch: 11:26am. WTF!?!?!

I nearly bulldozed over the closest airport attendant and asked her where I could find the nearest Circuit City wall of sound. I was lucky--only 20 steps away.

"Gate A16" -- WTF!!?!

Holy cow! What a great day and a fine time to test what miracle God would have in store for me today.

Like the 80s one-hit-wonders A Flock of Seagulls profess , And I ran. I ran so far away, I wouldn't let that plane get away. I arrived and I watched my seat get filled in by a stand-by passenger. But I was patient. I explained who I was, with flimsy-ass e-ticket in hand and they gave me my rightful seat back. Holy mother of God! I didn't know whose ass to kiss as I finally sat down in my seat, where I was greeted by the pleasant company of a WWII vet who talked my ear off the entire three hour flight. I wanted to return the favor, but he was hard of hearing and he hadn't made the revelatory life-changing decision of investing in a hearing aid. Needless to say, it was a one-sided conversation most of the way to Vegas. Ass-kissing wasn't necessary. God was going to have me pay in dividends.

Cool thing I came across in MSP airport, which I learned is NorthWestern's hub and charges $8 an hour for internet connection--yeah, right, I'll happily watch my comedy DVD any day)...

Well, I saw this:

Any guesses? Well, it's a Dyson AirBlade A new-fangled way of drying your hands in airport public restrooms. And believe me, it works! I've tested it!

If you don't remember the name Dyson, it's that British guy we see in the TV commercials all time complaining about how vacuum cleaners lose their sucking power. So he invented this thing:

This your turn to name that contraption, folks.

Yup that's a vacuum cleaner, folks! And I'm sure it's an expensive one. But guaranteed never to lose its suckage.

My mini-rant: I can't find the actual commercial with the British guy on YouTube because it's been pulled. Can someone explain to me why the advertisers would pull their own commercial from a free medium, such as YouTube? Commericals are meant to
a) be seen b)get you to buy things. So why would they have a problem if internet geeks post it on their own blogs and websites? It's free advertising!

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Cidersweet said...

Hi Lucy!
The yellow one looks like a robot's foot.

AmyL said...

Oooh, ooo I know! The one on the left is a turbo hand dryer, often found in airports and gas stations especially it would seem in Western states. A word of advice for you: never send 4 boys under the age of ten into a bathroom unsupervised with one of those things unless you're prepared to laugh nervously as they activate it over and over and over again. Did I mention that they're turbo hand dryers? So loud that they can be heard in all parts of the building? Lol.

Amey said...

Air travel is a huge source of entertainment today, if only you can get above all the rage you collect waiting for a plane for 4 hours, and then missing the connection.

But then, waiting at the wrong gate? Wow...

So, how was the rest of the geek-trip?