Hello, comedy fans! I'm sure you've been hoping for an infectious office forward--one you can pass around the office and laugh it up around the water cooler. So here it is! Have fun with it! Enjoy the weekend!
So far in my pursuit to achieve the highest honor in comedy-dom, I have found elements of comedy that echo and perhaps even mimic characteristics of sex. Wanna see? Here are my findings:
1) The late night booty call...
You're settled at home and of course the phone rings from the needy, beer-goggled friend with benefits. What is the benefit? This friend happens to be a very well-connected comedy buddy, who has an available spot on a show. The show needs you! They're begging for you!
Who's going to turn that down?
You're a comedian. You're goal is to get on stage as many times as possible. Still fuzzy on the connection? Re-Read the second sentence of this paragraph and instead insert the word "human" where "comedian" is, and insert "get some," where "on stage" is.
It's like day-old pizza--even when it's bad, it's still good.
Here's a funny anecdote:
To recount my experience with "the late night booty call," I got a call from a friend around 9:30pm at night. He said he had a spot for me on his stage show and that I had to get there lickety-split.
My mother likes to make the "unexpected" expected phone call to me at night. For two reasons: 1) To keep tabs on me as mother's always do 2) And because it's not-so unexpected because she's cheap. Wait, no. She likes to explain it as "economical," thereby taking advantage of free minutes after 9pm.
That's thirty minutes away. I'll be there in ten. --The Wolf
So when I didn't promptly answer after two rings, my mother, expecting me to be home, called the next day asking where I could possibly be so late at night. I was tight lipped about it. And she naturally assumed that I was out whoring myself to my non-existent/fictitious New York city boytoys.
You: Lucy, why not just tell her you're doing comedy?
Me: My goal with comedy is to keep it under wraps, until I can no longer keep it under wraps. For example: An appearance on David Letterman would prove very difficult to keep it under the lid.
So until then, I will answer my mother by saying, "Yes, I am running around NYC answering late night sex calls, a service I provide for those who have urgent sexual need." Imagine her surprise when she catches me on the Tonight Show, introduced by whoever replaces Leno--will it be, Conan?
2) Comedy can be a bit of a tease...
Sometimes you're not sure when you're going to "get some" from comedy. Sometimes you go into the club, thinking "This is going to be a surefire laugh riot. It's in the bag!" You know you went through all the steps:
i. You sweat over the jokes by writing and rewriting them.
ii. You then performed all over the city at various clubs every night over the next 6 months.
iii. You crafted. You honed. You worked out all the kinks.
iv. You studied structure, cadence, inflection, and timing.
And the final step...
v. You executed.
So the Big Night ensues. And this night, in particular, is special. Why? There are talent agents, managers, producers in the audience at this most exclusive comedy venue. (I know. I know. Exclusive? It sounds corny, but just go with me on this one.)
By now, you should have full control of your "performance" right? Because you've practiced, prepared, premeditated every single move.
Cardinal Rule: No two shows are ever the same.
But even with all that preparation, you receive dismal results. What happened?!?!
Just remember the 5:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. -PCU
My point is you can take comedy out for dinner, buy it an expensive gift, make it feel real special. And by the end of the night, you're left at the stoop wondering if your breath smelled or your pits were offensive. Where did you go wrong?
Would you like more comedy and sex, Part 2?
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