Wednesday, December 5, 2007

What's the deal with relationships today?

I'm going to echo back to a conversation I had with another high school buddy and haphazardly refer to my previous blog post on my attractiveness, I want to broach upon the topic of, dare I say it, intimate relationships (hetero). Sorry, gay guys. I can only speak from my experience. But you know I'll make it up to you when we hit Bloomingdale's for the massive Boxing Day Sale--whoopee!

So back to male and female relationships in modern society, and particularly focusing in on dating, a rash of my girlfriends have been jumping ship, in terms of relationsips for the once lame excuse men used to use-- "fear of commitment." Now if that does't sound ass-backwards to you, then perhaps you're more enlightened than I am, sensei.

More and more nowadays, women are leaving relationships because of the pressure MEN are giving them to commit. Yes! MEN wanting WOMEN to commit. Perhaps, we've entered a new age in time. The Age of Reasonable Women? The Renaissance of the Independent Woman?

Perhaps that's why America's birth rate has been on the decline. We're not willing to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

Now I don't know what's been put in the water, but perhaps it's the epidemic of Sex in the City reruns on TBS.

So this high school girlfriend had just ended a relationship for the "commitment" reason--her man wanted more, like a white picket fence, a very expensive house, and several screaming kids.

I think now women are seeing that engagement ring as a shackle and the marriage certificate a life sentence, with no parole. That ring represents in a way, punishment, and lack of freedom.

It's the new millennium. I think all we, women, asking for is our fair share. We want to split the duties and we're totally willing to pay for dinner. After all, we're earning our paycheck, too. But we want options.

I probably don't speak for all women, but I definitely speak for me.

It's weird this role reversal. But I think it's cool and something we should embrace. I think men need to come to the table and negotiate with us. Believe us, we're willing. But we're not willing to go through what our parents generation went through--a unlimited number of divorces and our ending up with a childhood guarding our latchkeys.

I have more thoughts on this... but I want to open it up to the readers, both men and women. What do you think?

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16 comments:

Hor ny Ang Moh said...

Hallo! Choice! Everyone now get to choose his/her partner & with internet he/she get to meet more & more 'better' fellow each day! So for those who are 'insecure' about their relationship a quick 'engagement' is needed to 'secure' the relatiinship! Just my 2cents worth of humble opinion!
Have a nice day!

Jay said...

I'm not anti-commitment, i'm just not looking for it right now, and I've been upfront about that...if someone pushes, I'm not afraid to walk away.

Jess said...

I do agree we're willing to negotiate. I think many women want to be independent while still being treated like ladies, ya know? I don't have a problem with a man opening doors for me or saying "ma'am" or anything like that. There's no respect anymore, it sucks.

Michelle said...

i'm all for women taking the lead and the whole 'miss independant, miss self-sufficient' thing...bt it still makes me blush and feel good wen my guy is all chivalrous and loves paying for me and opening doors for me...makes me feel mushy :)

Whatever Grl said...

I think some women get to old to deal with younger man. The thing is now that woman now days dont want what they call "drama" meaning no commitment relationship. Before 20 years ago if a guy found out that woman slept with more then 2 guys she was pronounced as a whore. Now days 20 are not enough. I mean look at the teenage kids from age 13 they have sexual relationships boy or girl, when I was that age I was still playing with HE-MAN doll! .

World is changing people are chanching and older people GEN Y is not understanding what is happening while GEN X is already adopted.

BYE.

GoldenBoy said...

Hi Lucy! I am continuing to read your posts, loved the one about the xmas show and fellow student..I think there are lots of people (me) who can identify with that experience. Just read commitment piece and am thinking that maybe women don't so much mind the commitment as they do being threatened with a picket fence or screaming children. And not necessarily in that order.

Slutty McWhore said...

I think the problem nowadays is that people have the luxury of "growing up" and settling down much later in life than our parents' generation did. However, women still mature faster than men and have to make bigger decision at a younger age - because we have to if we want to have kids. Men, on the other hand, can just fuck around and act like kids until they are well into their forties and stillfind a good woman.

In my experience (and I just turned 30 yesterday) men my age or thereabouts are incredibly disappointing because they are just so fucking immature and stupid. If women are bailing out of relationships with them, you can hardly blame us. Who wants to put up with that shit in their thirties!

Shakespeare's Sonnet 130 said...

Hor ny Ang Moh - Indeed! I feel the internet does offer a wide variety of choice in a partner. I compare the internet dating scene to your kitchen cabinet, where you open up and decide which bloke you're going to feast on that day. Kudos, Hor ny ang moh!

Jay - I agree. I think we women need to be upfront about our expectations, or at least where we see the relationship going in the long run. The problem is even if we're upfront sometimes people either get attached too easily or they don't consider the gravity of your fair warning in the beginning. So inevitably the woman ends up doing the heartbreaking anyway--which again is the bizarre nature of this "Sex in the City" phenomenon--women breaking men's hearts.

Jess - The respect thing I don't think is the issue I'm focused on. The men I speak of already pass a series of tests with the women. It's when it comes down the wire and the man is itching to get married--that's when things seem to get uncomfortable. He's been an absolute gentleman and probably a great potential mate, but moving ahead into the "marriage/shackle" arena is where it tends to get a little hairy.

Michelle - I definitely don't have a problem with "being treated like a woman." But I have to admit, I do get a kick out of paying for the check and driving him home that evening. It makes me feel a little more liberated and a little more in control and empowered.

Whatever Grl - I'm not sure what you're saying, WG. Your comment is a bit hard to read. But from what I pick up, yes, "the world is changing." Thanks, again.

GoldenBoy - Hey, GB (wink-wink)... thanks for joining us--once lurker, now official commenter. Thanks for the "thumbs up" on the Xmas show. A lot of people seemed to like that one, to my surprise. And I completely agree with your comment on what threatens a woman's independence. I would say screaming children first and then pickett fence next...because that's the order they see things from the moment they try to escape. "Run away from the screaming children and then realize the pickett fence is locked and stands at unusually high 10 ft., not at all like the neighbor's fence. It doesn't actually pay to "keep up with the Jones' ?"

Slutty McWhore - Should I refer to you as, Ms. McWhore, or just plain Slutty? Uh, either way, S & M... I think what you first mention doesn't comply with this post. What you're saying is what society has always been built on: Little girls dreaming of a white weddings at the age of 21 and marrying a loving caring husband that will take care of her forever. And boys/men dreaming of screwing around until their genitalia fall off--and then they MIGHT think of marriage, of course when they're penises aren't functioning anymore. (Who knows how they would then procreate?)

But now, little girls no longer dream of Prince Charming. In fact, I confess I never thought about getting married at that age. I don't know what occupied my thoughts at age 7, but it probably had something to do with chocolate mountaintops and sliding down rainbows and landing in a river of Skittles.

Women, nowadays, are going against their biological clocks and NOT getting married in their early to mid 20s. They're waiting until late 30s, which is what men USED to do. Now men want to get married younger (in their 20s) while women are abstaining. That's where the irony lies. All these men are dreaming of white weddings with their virgin brides, while women are checking over their backs seeing if the church doors are unlocked to make an easy getaway.

Anyway, Happy B-day, Sagittarius. My best friend from high school's b-day was Pearl Harbor Day. I tend to get along with femme Sags.

And to whomever voted "1" on the blog, you're clearly a chump and would never reveal yourself because you're a coward and hide behind lurking. If this was such a bad article why would I have 7 comments after 2 days of posts. I wish I had a your blog address to vote 1 on--Chump!

Lashawna/Superspice said...

Where r these men? They haven't asked me out. Send them my way.

boneman said...

Have no idea where this came from, but, what the hey...
I married twice (at seperate times... put the phone down) to gals who both insisted on a church wedding, made unbelieveable demands for monogamy (I'm way monogamous. Heck, it's hard enough to make one woman happy let alone two simultaneously)
(well, maybe if one of the two would "help"...)
no...
anyway, both tossed me out the door, and for really stupid reasons.
Well, the first one said I wasn't putting out enough, but fer crying out loud, she didn't have to go looking fer it at so many different places.
I got some books, did some study, found #2 and then, for no reason, she kicked me out, too.
Well, maybe a reason.
I was always too horny?

So, what do ya think? Am I even going to try anymore?

Heck yeah.
Everyday in most every way!

boneman said...

And, since I read these rarely at leisure, I read and commented and went to read some more, and golly am I ever happy I didn't say anything about how you look.

But, what COULD I say?
Gosh, Lucy. You write some of the purttiest words I ever seed.
Hyuk hyuk hyuk.

boneman said...

I find the best way to learn something is to read it more than once.
After re-reading this post, I see where yer calling me old.
Well, not "me" actually, but in a round-house punch to yer "parents' generation."

Of course, it doesn't help any that my younger brother is on wife #6 (and she sez the last one cause if he leaves again, it's gonna be in a wooden box)

And, just before thinking about getting indignant about it, I remember that my good friends Ray and Billie Jo have been married for 31 years.

Dang! THAT'S COOL, I don't care who you are!
I love it that somehow in this crazy mixed up place there's still some of that true love out there.
(of course, Carol Kane was right in Princess Bride)

Now, as for the negotiating....
who takes the trash out if there's a lot of smelly garbage in it?

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

It's time for an end to traditional 'commitment'.

Both sexes now see, we don't need it any more.

Here's to the future.

Make Love, Love, don't own.

Mile High Pixie said...

Lucy, you make a really interesting point in this post. My husband kinda/sorta proposed to me, and frankly I was okay to just Sarandon/Robbins it until one of us died. I also have zero interest in having kids. I'm still not sure about adopting some (here from the US, not necessarily my same race), but I really am not keen on bringing more little people into the world when we don't seem to take care of the ones we already have.

And funny enough, despite all the strides women have made, we *still* find ourselves picking up the second shift at home--cleaning, cooking, etc. My husband and I are able to split cooking, but housework has been my domain mostly because I hate entropy more than he does. So why, pray tell, should I have a child that I'll have to take care of as well?

For that matter, I think a lot of Gen X and Y grew tired of watching their parents mess up, and many of them probably took care of siblings while the divorced parents fought. Hence, they've already had children. I sure have, and I'm tire dof it. I love my sleep, my free time, my ability to pursue my job and interests as I see fit.

-gale from maleadvicecolumn.com said...

wonderful post - i totally agree that men and women should negotiate when it comes to fruitful relationships. but i also think part of the problem of failing relationships today is the ongoing trend of men themselves losing their own independence and manliness, and women respond negatively.

Jennifer said...

Wow. This is an interesting topic. Most of the guys who have wanted a commitment from me ended up being very controlling and acted if they were going to be analyzing ever aspect of my life without allowing me to come up for air. Also, most of these guys had the eyes that lurked to other women's ta tas and butt. So, this is why I did not commit because I could tell on down the road they would be in bed with someone else.

Though some guys say it is just human nature for them to look at other women when you are with them, if these men respect that special someone do not even start acting like a control freak and allow that person to just enjoy being who God made them to be.

That is my issue and I am sticking to it! =)