Series: Comedy as it relates to Sex (Part 3 of ?)

7) Various Rates of speed, Rhythm, and Timing in the delivery

Everybody does it differently. We all have varying techniques and idiosyncrasies that make us unique as comedians. And this means it's not always going to go over well with every audience or every audience member. Not everyone fits perfectly together. ("Ouch! Can you slow it down!?!")

Sometimes we have the slow even toned delivery, (i.e. Stephen Wright). And then the fast high-pitched delivery (i.e. Chris Rock). Or even the up and down rollercoaster-like delivery (i.e. Jerry Seinfeld).

Either way, your delivery isn't always going to match with each and every audience member. Not every single audience member is going to be turned on by your sauntering, pacing, and lapping speeds. You may lose a few members in the process. But that's okay. This comedy thing is not a lock and key process. Your going for majority rules. Everyone is different. And that's okay. That's why they invented [Insert Your Punchline here].


8) Rite of Passage - Loss of Virginity

Everyone has that pinnacle moment the first time they get on stage. It's defined as when the virgin finally pops his/her comedy cherry.

Audience: Ouch!

Virginal Comedian: (soothing voice) It only hurts for a little bit. Stay with me.

Once you do it the first time, suddenly you're sprung. Your hormones are raging! (You think: Where did this come from?) It felt amazing for you. You were psyched that you even got the joke in there!

And now you're on a high. You can't believe you did that! You can't wait to tell all of your friends! You want to share with them every single detail.

Your mind becomes like a steel trap. Everyone remembers their first time! Every gasp, every nervous feeling you had in the pit of your stomach. And yet you still performed. Granted, it was 5 minutes--but you still got to perform.

And something happens to you--a chemical change. Hormones that once lay dormant are now kicking into high gear. Every time you see a well lit stage, with that one, tall, enticing microphone, you get all tingly. You start to notice microphones everywhere. Microphones and stages you never knew existed. You want it. You want them all. And you want to get your jokes out there as much as possible. Even if there's no commitment involved. Even if it's a one-time thing (see previous post on One Night Stands), you still want to take part.

Once you get that experience underneath your belt, you're a changed person. You did it! And you are willing to do anything to do it again! But you want the next time to be even better--for you and for the audience.

But the hardest part about that, is coaxing the audience into doing it again, after that awful first time. Sure it was good for you, but it was painful for them. What's their incentive?

Finding another audience that is willing to bear with you to work out your set is tough! A willing audience who is aware of your post-virginal, pre-well-practiced-stud phase. An audience wants you to be experienced. They want you to be comforting. Not hurky-jerky, like the first time. It becomes a practice in and of itself.

And time passes... You begin to wonder when you'll get on stage again. So much time has passed between the first time and the second, you begin to question yourself a comic. Are you good enough? Should you even be doing comedy? Nobody wants to be there with you. Should you just give up? Which leads us into our next metaphor...


9) Sympathy performance

Even if an audience consists of one member, it's still a show. It maybe less gratifying than before. But at least there's someone there. At least, there's another warm body. You're lucky you even got them to agree to it in the first place. In order for you to perform, in order for it to be considered a show, you gotta have an audience member.

If a tree falls, and no one's there to listen to your comedy, was the joke ever really funny in the first place? The same applies to sex. You need at least one person there for it to apply. Otherwise it's just self-pleasure, right?


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